


Plenty O' Cod

by Missy



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Blind Date, Gen, Humor, Internet, Monsters, Uncle-Niece Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-03 07:08:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2842388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy/pseuds/Missy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mabel tries to set Grunkle Stan up on a blind date via the internet, and shenanigans ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Plenty O' Cod

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Traincat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Traincat/gifts).



The sound of a car door slamming in the distance woke Mabel, and drew her downstairs to witness the aftermath of her Uncle’s latest – and apparently terrible – date.

Hiding on the staircase, she frowned as her Grunkle shambled through the Mystery Shack, pausing behind the register to pour himself a drink from his supposedly-secret flask (the one hidden under the desktop, not the one he’d stuffed behind the fortune telling machine). before shambling into the back room. Mabel’s mind immediately jumped to life - Grunkle Stan’s date apparently hadn’t gone too well. And no wonder, she mused to herself. He was always trying to date weird rich ladies who thought he needed to change himself to hang out with them. The last lady he’d dated had bought him a green suit laced over with rhinestones, set him up with a brand-new car, and then dumped him when he refused to stop chewing with his mouth open. There had to be someone out there for Grunkle Stan. There was somebody for EVERYBODY, according to Mabel’s code of honor. But how could she find somebody that old, money-loving and salty-minded in such short order?

Then it hit her. Her eyes brightened. Her smile widened.

She ran up to her room, grabbed her laptop and did what every kid’s loathe to do during their summer vacation - research.

*** 

The following morning over breakfast Mabel could hardly contain her glee. And it was so clearly obvious to both Stan and Dipper that she had a secret that anyone with an ounce of shame would have confessed immediately. But when it came to matchmaking, Mabel knew no shame; she was a great secret keeper. She stayed quiet but goofily happy throughout the meal. 

Stan eyed his grandniece over the top of his paper. “Mabel, whaddya want?”

“Nooothing,” Mabel said, leaning against the table. 

“Uh, this is really creepy – can I be excused?” asked Dipper.

“Sit and finish your Gruely-Os,” Stan said.

“But they taste like paste,” he complained.

“Paste builds character. Adds hair to your chest if you keep on eating it.”

“Even me?!” Mabel wondered in horror.

“Hey, you won’t be complaining when you grow a healthy mustache!” Stan replied. 

Both twins groaned. Then they shoveled the meals into their mouths at a glacial pace until they were finally done. But while Dipper ran off to their shared attic room to work on his latest conspiracy theory, Mabel hung around, following Stan into the store and watching him prepare for a day’s work until Stan finally turned on her, blurting out, “what?! Whaddya want, kid?”

“Nothing,” she grinned.

“Don’t smile like that – it’s creeping me out.” Mabel said nothing, but she continued to watch Stan with great interest. “Okay, you got me Mabel!” Stan yelled, spinning away from the table. “Why’re you watching me like a hawk?”

“‘Cause I’m stinkin’ adorable and you’re stinkin’ lonely?” Mabel asked, batting her lashes. 

“Maybe,” Stan grumped. He started fiddling with the cash register tray, a sure sign that he was distracted. Mabel grinned and nudged the laptop closer to Stan’s elbow. One more inch and he’d be prodding it off the counter. 

“That’s why I’m going to help you change that!” She grinned. She ran upstairs and returned with her laptop, flipping it open to reveal the front page of a dating site. “Plentyocod dot com,” said Mabel with due reverence. “It’s a really nice site where really old people can meet each other and fall in love!”

“How old are we talking?”

Mabel shuffled through her open tabs. “Grunkle Stan, meet Penelope Cartier! She’s sixty, owns a car dealership and likes yelling at kids and counting her money!”

“Net worth?”

“Twenty million dollars,” said Mabel proudly. 

Stan lurched toward the laptop. Letting out a growl, he started prodding the keys. “So what do I do? Talk into this thing?” he frowned at the screen and leaned into the monitor, then started to yell. “Hey! If you’re single, rich, and looking for a good time, I live in Gravity Falls with my crazy great-niece and nephew….”

“Iii think I’ll handle it.” Mabel grabbed up the laptop and sprinted toward the guest rooms. “Trust me, Grunkle Stan, you’re gonna love her!”

*** 

A few days later Stan and Mabel found themselves standing at the doorstep of the Le Nouveau Riche. Stan wore his least-cheap suit, and Mabel fussed over him with pride. 

“I dunno about this,” he admitted. “Do you think I look like enough of a high roller?”

“Aww, Grunkle Stan, you look like a hundred million dollars.” She tugged on the knot holding his very loud, alligator-splattered tie up. “Now try not to spit on her and I’ll be hiding out here in the bushes.”

*** 

Stan arrived at the table to find Penelope already there, wrapped in an ermine stole, flicking a lit cigarette and wearing a look of total distaste. She didn’t say a word until they’d finished with dinner.

“You have ze…fire within your belly for food, noh?”

“Nah, I just like good grub.” He grinned. “So! You’re rich.”

“Oui. From my father’s people,” she said. “And you are ze rich entrepreneur!”

“That’s what they call me,” said Stan. 

Silence passed between them. Stan was ready to ask if she’d take him to Cartier – or at least the movies –when Mabel rushed into the restaurant. “GRUNKLE STAN DON’T KISS HER!” she yelled.

“You have little girl?” asked Penelope.

“I don’t know this girl! HEY LITTLE GIRL, I don’t know you,” Stan said, nudging her away.

“Oh, he knows me! He knows me good!” Mabel planted her fists at her hips and said. “And I know just what you REALLY are.” She lunged toward the table – and Penelope’s face.

After a brief struggle, Mabel came away with a handful of mask – and revealed Penelope’s true character.

“GAH! There’s not enough money in the world to fix that,” he declared, shielding his eyes. 

The face before him was wrinkled, grey and ancient. It looked like an apple left too close to the dryer. But the face was marred by something beyond physical ruin – sadness. “It eez true,” Penelope said. “I am a succubus! Doomed to roam the earth, searching for a man whose life force I might drain. But you, Stan – you seemed different, more exciting. I wish I was not what I am, so that we might be together!”

Stan wavered visibly, only to earn a nudge from his grand-niece. “SUCCUBUS, Grunkle Stan,” Mabel sternly reminded him. 

“Sorry, Penelope. I don’t think I’m the guy you need. But you’re a super horrible abomination of a gal!”

Penelope started weeping, and Mabel dragged Stan away from the table. The last thing he could be heard shouting was, “so you’re not really rich, right?”

*** 

Afterwards, Mabel and Stan downed ice cream at Greasy’s Diner and thought about what they’d just been through.

“Whelp, back to the women’s prisons for me,” Stan muttered.

“Nah! It’ll be okay, Grunkle Stan – I’m sure you’ll meet a really nice lady someday who isn’t a horrible evil monster!”

At that moment, Lazy Susan came to the table. “Can I get you guys anything?”

“Nah, but oh - hey, Susan – am I wrong, or did you put extra sprinkles in my sundae?”

“You ain’t imagining a thing,” Susan teased. There was an extra wiggle in her walk as she strolled away.

Stan watched her go. Mabel grinned and slapped him on the shoulder. “Go get ‘im, champ.”

Stan grinned and briefly mussed Mabel’s hair. Then he turned toward the front counter and called, “hey Susan! Wait up!”

**Author's Note:**

> The idea of Mabel trying to fix up her Grunkle online was absolutely irresistible, because she would. She SO would. Hope you like your treat!


End file.
